Alyssa Shows Off Her Charms

Alyssa is featured on the cover of the November issue of the US edition of FHM (shown right). Inside, there's the usual scantily-clad photoshoot, which can also be seen on the FHM website (along with some Alyssa wallpapers) and "interview": The innocent girl you lusted after as a pie-faced teen is all grown up. And she has the rocking body to prove it.

What's the best way to say hello?
Eye contact and then a hug to make a connection.

Is it true that prior to a sexy photo shoot such as this one, you go without carbs for days?
Yeah, I definitely prepare, because so much of doing sexy images is about feeling good. If I were to pig out on Burger King beforehand, I wouldn't feel as comfortable in skimpy clothes.

Any other sexy tricks?
I bring my publicist. I call her the photo-shoot nazi because she's the one who's always staring at my crotch to make sure nothing's showing. And no nipple.

What's the best tabloid bit you've ever seen about yourself?
There was a picture where I was walking out of the supermarket with a huge family pack of toilet paper. I was a mess and in sweats.

Did they write that you had explosive "stuff"?

When is it OK to call a guy a bitch?
The last time I was in Vegas, I kept calling the poker dealer my bitch. When I was losing, I call him a bitch.

FHM understand you have a problem with math. Does that make cards difficult for you?
I do have trouble with math. Sometimes I'm quick as a whip, but other times, no.

But you have a photographic memory. Can you remember how you completed this sentence the last time you were on FHM's cover nearly two years ago? "You can look at a naked body and to me there's something very natural and beautiful. That's why I ..."
Garden topless!

Good work. Fill in the blank: For God's sake, please:
Have more compassion. My eyelashes are sticking together and my eyebrows are sweating. It's like 95 degrees out here.

Describe the underwear you're wearing.
I'm not wearing any. Hot day.

Are you a Republican?
No, but I want whoever is running our country to succeed. Every time I hear Bush speak, I'm like, "Oh, just get through this sentence, get through it." And it's like, "Whew!"

How patriotic of you. What's the most embarrassing thing in your purse right now?
Want to look? I'll dump it out. Advil, Bayer Aspirin - my mom bought it for me because she read it can prevent lulng cancer - chequebook, wallet, lighter, a pen that doesn't work, cell phone, empty pack of gum, two-way pager, compact, eyeliner, lipstick - I have so much lipstick it's frightening, because you never know what to wear - a gift certificate to a spa in Santa Barbara and a flower for my hair if I feel inspired. But nothing embarrassing. I'm looking for a tampon or something.

What number cheque are you on?
3673. That's pretty good, huh?

Big spender. Would you let Courtney Love spank you?
Absolutely not. She terrifies me. I'm so afraid of that woman.

What's your favourite cliché?
"Everything happens for a reason."

You once said, "I forgive myself for a lot of things." Is that a way of acting immoral and forgiving yourself after the fact? For things like tattoos and one-night stands?
No. My intentions are always good. I have always had such strong morals. I make immoral mistakes, but they all come from a good place.

Do you ever get sick of people talking about your chest?
Do people talk about my tits?

I didn't know, but I guess I can't get tired if I'm not hearing about it.

Then do you get sick of hearing tired Tony Danza talking about you every time a camera is on him?
Yeah, I'm tired of it. God bless him, I love him madly, but yeah, it's a bizarre thing. I usually get asked, "What's the little boy from the show doing now?"

What's the little boy from the show doing now? We hear he's tramping around New York City's gay West Village.
I think Danny Pintauro is living in New York. He came out of the clost in The Enquirer years ago.

We bust big news stories in the FHM office.
Yeah, you've got your finger on the pulse.

You have 20 seconds to clarify one rumour about yourself.
What rumours have you heard about me? I can guarantee that the Shannen Doherty and I fighting thing wasn't really a fight, but there was a lot of tension that came out of the clear blue sky as far as I was concerned. I don't know what was going on in her mind.

You played Amy Fisher in the TV movie Casualties of Love: The Long Island Lolita Story. When was the last time you had sex with a guy with an Afro-mullet?
I didn't even date guys with mullets in the '80s.

You won a Spirit Award at Sundance in 1997 for your role in Hugo Pool. Not to sound corny, but that's great, considering most child stars burn out big time.
It was very rewarding. As a child star, to be able to not only make the crossover but to be recognised as an influential talent in the indie film industry really turned my life around.

The FHM tape recorder malfunctioned. We were also discussing men's magazine covers and how you badmouthed them a bit. Can you repeat it please?
I said America has a preconceived notion of someone with a size 36C. It was my way of saying that fact doesn't mean I'm not intelligent.

And FHM said, "You're not a 36C" and you said -
Yes I am! That part you remember, huh?

When do you turn into a complete bitch?

When I'm PMS-ing. Oh wait, girls don't poop and girls don't bleed.

What was the name of the last porn you watched?
The Lover. It's an art movie but it's very sexy.

What's your favourite body part?
My back, because it's muscular and I don't have to see it every day.

As Eva Savelot, you got to work with the greats like Carrot Top -
He's AT&T. I was WorldCom.

They're in a bit of trouble. Do you still work for those shysters?
No. Two years of doing those commercials was enough. When I signed the deal, my business manager thought it mihgt be a good idea to have stock in WorldCom. I decided to take the cash instead.